Thoughts of the Naughts…

Found this image and thought it too was fun…

Explaining Christianity

August 26th, 2008

Just because it was fun…

How to Win a Fight With a Conservative is the ultimate survival guide for political arguments

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Reality-Based Intellectualist, also known as the liberal elite. You are a proud member of what’s known as the reality-based community, where science, reason, and non-Jesus-based thought reign supreme.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

Mind you, technically, I’m not a liberal…but then “permanently remove all government, religion and any other organization over a thousand people, world-wide, now and forever” wasn’t one of the answer choices…

And, anyway, the usage terms “liberal” and “conservative” have drifted so far from their original meanings that, basically, both words are now meaningless.

July 24th, 2008

The horror that is election season is upon us again and I’ve noted that there are a lot of people who – for the good of everyone – should not be voting. Here’s a partial list:

Signs you Shouldn’t Be Voting (Last updated 4/4/08)

1) If you’re a creationist, you shouldn’t be voting – you lack sufficient grasp of reality to make a rational choice.

2) Ditto for any flavor of fundamentalist – or indeed, any religious believer who can’t entertain the possibility they are wrong about their beliefs. You also shouldn’t be allowed to raise children…but that’s another rant…

3) If you think it’s important to support your party, you shouldn’t be voting – the whole concept of political parties is anathema to democracy.

4) If you have to ask “what’s the difference between spring water and distilled water?” you shouldn’t be voting.

5) If you think George Bush has “done a good job” you shouldn’t be voting…and possibly shouldn’t be allowed outside without a caretaker.

6) If you don’t understand the laws of thermodynamics – and I’m talking just a general understanding here – they you shouldn’t be voting. Someone who can’t grasp “you can’t get something for nothing” has no business making decisions for other people…and wouldn’t make any good ones anyway.

7) If you think Churchill was a fictional character, then you shouldn’t be voting. Fortunately – in this case – you’d be British, and therefore couldn’t vote in the upcoming presidential election anyway…

8) If you’ve ever voted on American Idol then you shouldn’t be voting. Unfortunately for you, each American Idolvote uses up all your remaining potential voting ability for a minimum of ten years.

9) If you’ve ever written an email, usenet message, or “Letter to the Editor” with more than one in ten words “ALL IN CAPITALS” (unless they are part of a quote) then you shouldn’t be voting. First, you need to get off the caffeine, or crack, or whatever other psychoactive chemical you’re on (or – if you’re crazy – actually get back on your prescribed psychoactive chemicals…) and calm down. Then you can think about voting…maybe one day…Real Soon Now…

10) If you’ve ever used the words “only a theory” in order to explain why something science-based should be ignored, then you shouldn’t be voting. Instead, you should be researching what scientists mean when they used the word “theory” – and trying to grasp the fact that though Newtonian and Einsteinian “laws” of gravitation are “only a theory,” jumping off the nearest tall building is still not advisable. If you can’t grasp this…jump off the nearest tall building…its advisablity has changed.

11) If you’re a Scientologist you not only shouldn’t vote, but should be banned from voting forever. You either believe it – and thus are too stupid to vote, or even care for yourself – or you’re just using it as a scam – and thus should be in jail. There are no other options – deal with it.

12) If you think Obama is a member of Islam – and thus shouldn’t be voted for – you shouldn’t be voting. For two reasons. One, you’re stupid…as he isn’t and it’s trivially easy to find this out and, Two, you’re voting against someone simply because of his/her religion…which pretty much also shows you’re stupid.

13) Wanted to see the movie Expelled because you thought it would have some good points? Get out of the voting line then…you have no real capacity for thought.

And along with “shouldn’t be voting,” it should be obvious that these are also all people who shouldn’t be running.They will anyway – because they’re too stupid to realize this – but they shouldn’t…

January 28th, 2008, February 20th, 2008, April 4th, 2008

“A God who could make good children as easily a bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell; mouths mercy, and invented hell; mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man’s acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!”

Mark Twain, “The Mysterious Stranger,”
June 21st, 2007

Top Ten Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian

10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 – You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 – You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 – Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

6 – You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 – You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 – You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

3 – While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

2 – You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 – You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian.

From “Evil Bible.com,”
June 3rd, 2007

This is your brain, This is your brain on religion - any questions?

May 9th, 2007

“One pair of hands at work…

Does more than 1,000 clasped in prayer.”

Seen on “The Angry Astronomer,”
May 7th, 2007

If your culture or religion demands
you burn, destroy, or kill
to protest a cartoon
then your culture or religion deserves extinction…period

if you want to hurt me over this - then your memes need to die

Multiculturalism only works
if all the cultures involved agree to respect
all the other cultures involved…

…this never happens

February 5th, 2006

“Abortion stops a beating heart”

And stepping on a cockroach stops six…your point?

July 6th, 2004
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s